Exactly one year ago today my sister and I sat in the office of the radiologist and listened to him say, "It's cancer." This week, almost a year to the day, I got the "all clear" from the oncologist. Mammogram was clear, blood work great, no signs of the disease that turned my world upside down. I never thought I would die of breast cancer. The doctors found it early, it hadn't spread to the lymph nodes, all good indications that it was treatable, and it was treatable, but I didn't get away completely unscathed. Treatment, although eventually beneficial, is destructive and debilitating. Physical reminders will be with me for the rest of my life.
As hard as it was, there are some good things that came from this journey. God has become my constant companion in a way that I have never experienced before. Friends and family rallied around in ways that I will never be able to adequately say thank you for. Our church body was amazing. For six weeks straight there was dinner for my family. I had one friend that literally called to check on me everyday for months. What encouragement, what love I received from even some I didn't know, friends of friends. God took care of my physical needs, but more importantly, He took care of my emotional and spiritual needs. Even in my darkest hour when I couldn't feel Him, He sent my brothers and sisters to come and be His hands and feet to me.
By nature cancer is invasive. It invades an otherwise healthy cell, changing the make up of that cell, and then it goes on to invade more and more cells. Cancer invaded my life. In more ways than one it has caused damage. The physical damage was the easiest to deal with, the doctors removed it and it is gone. The emotional damage is harder to heal. Time is the best medicine I have come to realize. I may never know if the damage to my marriage was a result of cancer, maybe it was a contributing factor, but the timing of it leads me to believe it was. I have read that men are seven times more likely to leave their wife during a serious illness then women. Although this may be true, it doesn't make the rejection and betrayal any easier to deal with, in fact, dealing with the loss of my marriage has been much harder to deal with than the cancer ever was.
God has tested my faith this year. In some ways this has been the worst year of my life, but in others it has been the biggest time of growth and maturing. It's hard to say it was all bad because in fact I would not change some of the things that have gone on in my life this year. God will heal all things in His time. I know this with all of my being. I am glad to be alive, glad that I have loved ones in my life who care about me and look out for me. Most of all though, I am utterly thankful that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me so much that He sent His Son for me so that I could have a relationship with Him. What do I have to complain about?
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