Jan 15, 2011

Sometimes we don't know why things happen the way they do. My reading today talked about how we don't always know if we can label life's circumstances as good or bad because sometimes something that seems bad can actually turn out good. This is how I feel about this cancer. Yes, it is definitely bad, but is there something good in here somewhere? I don't know the answer to that yet. I can't see it and maybe I'm not meant to. Maybe it's meant for someone else.

"But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to he Lord, for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6

Jan 11, 2010

Had my first radiation appointment today. I actually didn't know I was going to get it today. I had an appointment to go in and make sure everything was lined up properly with all those precise measurements. You have to lay perfectly still for several minutes with your arms straight above your head. Extremely uncomfortable. I moved my foot slightly and we had to start over. Once the doctor looked everything over and gave the thumbs up the nurse said she was going to give me my first treatment. The treatment only took a couple minutes and then we were done. Such a short little thing for something that can do so much to your body, good and bad. No worries about getting sick anymore though which is a real relief. When I went in to put my gown on the lighting in the little changing room revealed my eyebrows coming back in; actually sticking straight out. It was a little comic relief in such a foreign place that will not be foreign when I'm done. It's so warm in the radiation room. Like a plasma screen TV, that machine gives off lots of heat. This is nice for me now cause I'm always cold, and well it's winter so every body's cold. Well one down 29 to go. I'm on my way. 

Jan 3, 2011

It has been three weeks since my last chemo and it has been a rough ride. I never want to have to do this again and pray I won't. Next week I will start radiation which although time consuming will be far better, so I'm told, than chemo. I will get my tattoos on Wednesday. Yes tattoos. If you are unfamiliar with radiation, they often put these little tiny dots in the spot where the machine will line up on your body. In my case I will have four little dots to form a square. Don't tell Joshua. We told him if he ever got a tattoo we would kick him out of the house. Radiation, every day, five days a week for six weeks. No nausea, just maybe tired after a couple weeks, and maybe some redness and burning. Not that I'm looking forward to it, but I am glad to be moving on to the next stage because that means the yuckiness of chemo is over.

Some of the normalness of life is returning. Cooking dinner again, cleaning, shopping, getting out of the house. The few weeks before Christmas I didn't even leave the house for days and I was okay with it. I say some of the normalness because it hasn't all quite returned to normal and it may not ever. It will be a different normal from now on. I am still healing physically, but my hair is starting to grow and I've got my eyelashes back. Every day is a new day and one day closer to being completely done.