This week the couch has been my friend, the TV has been my friend, my house has been my friend. I am tied to all three. Exhaustion has set in. After weeks of rebelling against the nausea, cabin fever, and malaise, I have finally given in. I don't want to run the risk of getting sick again, well the kind that puts you in the hospital. I'm done with that. If I have to stay in this house for the next 7 days I'm okay with that. This was the last round if chemo, and I just need to get through the last of the after effects and things should be looking up physically.
Today was our 19th wedding anniversary and extremely uneventful. I sat on the couch and Daniel ran errands for me. WooHoo what a rush.
Can you tell I'm in a little bit of a funk? Don't worry though, I'm not depressed or discouraged just tired and bored. This is not me, well this is not normally me, but it is for now and there isn't much I can do to change it. All I can do is go with it and hope for it to pass.
I have been encouraged by a resurgence of visitors that had trailed off there for a while. I am always happy to see anyone who takes the time to stop by, makes my day actually.
The other thing that has totally encouraged me this week is the provision of meals that I had not preset. Just somebody calling up to say they are coming by with a pot of soup, or to ask if they can bring dinner by tomorrow night. I had set up meals for last week, when I was supposed to have my last treatment, but this week kinda got forgotten for the most part. I gave it over to God, cause food and me aren't on the best of terms right now. And guess what, He came through like He has a habit of doing and well the kids have full tummies just like that. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.
One parting thought. As of today Daniel is less than 30 days out to deploy. I haven't really thought much about it because I have kinda been preoccupied, but this past weekend his unit had their annual Christmas party and it was all about the deployment. Kinda got me thinking about it. School is winding down for the kids, I have lots of time on my hands, good time to star to process it all for myself and with them, as they will let me. This will be a hugh transition in a time where we are already having a hugh transition. Please pray for open lines of communication and compassion throughout our home, and for love and forbearance to abound toward one another as stress is running high.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Dec 8, 2010
I have been mourning the loss of my eyelashes for the last few days but that has been the least of my worries. You know that when you loose your lashes it really makes you look like a chemo patient. Well I really look like a chemo patient. I surprise myself in the mirror sometimes. I know they will grow back though so I'm not sweating it too much. When the only makeup you wear is mascara and you don't have hair getting ready in the morning is a breeze.
So, while Daniel was in Kentucky this week doing some training with the National Guard I took a little mini get away hear in Modesto. A staycation if you will. I was brought breakfast in bed every morning, in fact I had lunch and dinner in bed as well. I had service at the touch of a button 24-7. From my 3rd floor window I had a beautiful view of the snow covered mountains in the distance. Each morning I pulled my chair up to the window and with that view in sight spent some peaceful time with the Lord. Catching up with a few friends was also a highlight. It wasn't too bad. The only downside was the IV stuck in my right arm and frequent interruptions at all hours by well meaning nurses getting my vitals or insisting I ingest medication.
All joking aside, cancer sucks in so many ways, but I still feel very blessed and loved and cared for and held in the palm of our Heavenly Father's hand. I do not have fear, depression, or discouragement often, although I do have my moments but they are few and far between. I have been showered with love and affection from above and here on earth.
Since I was unable to complete my infusion on Monday, I will have my last chemo next Monday and am looking forward to being done with this phase of treatment. It has not been fun. Looking forward to finishing out the month of December with Christmas feeling healthy and happy.
So, while Daniel was in Kentucky this week doing some training with the National Guard I took a little mini get away hear in Modesto. A staycation if you will. I was brought breakfast in bed every morning, in fact I had lunch and dinner in bed as well. I had service at the touch of a button 24-7. From my 3rd floor window I had a beautiful view of the snow covered mountains in the distance. Each morning I pulled my chair up to the window and with that view in sight spent some peaceful time with the Lord. Catching up with a few friends was also a highlight. It wasn't too bad. The only downside was the IV stuck in my right arm and frequent interruptions at all hours by well meaning nurses getting my vitals or insisting I ingest medication.
All joking aside, cancer sucks in so many ways, but I still feel very blessed and loved and cared for and held in the palm of our Heavenly Father's hand. I do not have fear, depression, or discouragement often, although I do have my moments but they are few and far between. I have been showered with love and affection from above and here on earth.
Since I was unable to complete my infusion on Monday, I will have my last chemo next Monday and am looking forward to being done with this phase of treatment. It has not been fun. Looking forward to finishing out the month of December with Christmas feeling healthy and happy.
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