Monday, October 18, 2010
Oct 18, 2010
Remember that old movie Pollyanna? It was a story of a little girl who lost her parents and went to live with her miserly aunt. She was a little girl who always saw the glass as half full and had a way of bringing that out in everyone she met. She played a game called the glad game where she would try and help people see the good things in their lives and she was very good at it. Until one day she took a fall from a high tree branch and became paralyzed. This broke her; she stopped seeing the glass as half full and started seeing it a half empty. She couldn't play the glad game anymore even when those around her tried to spur her on with encouragement. That is how I feel today. Not that I have really ever been that glass is always half full kind of girl, but I am feeling her pain of discouragement and depression after the fall. Today I took a fall. I feel my life is very out of control and that is very frustrating to me. I went in for my 2nd treatment and had another very painful allergic reaction. They had to stop the drug. The doctor came in and said that I was done for the day and that I should consider not continuing with chemo. This floored me. Even though I don't want to do it, I know it will decrease my chances of having a recurrence. They pumped me up with drugs and sent me home. I thought I would be at the half way point today, two down and two to go. This was not to be and the thought of that combined with the fact that I have absolutely no control over this really overwhelmed me tonight. Crying has come very easily to me over the last few weeks. Like Pollyanna this is not my standard operating procedure. I feel lost, this is not me. At the end of the movie all the people that Pollyanna had befriended and helped came around her and gave her hope, and she was able to reach down deep and find herself again through their love. That is where I am right this minute. I am trying to reach down deep and find my hope. Friends have been sending their encouraging words and God has been giving me His word. "I can't tell you how, when or where God will bring a blessing through your trial of suffering, But I can tell you why-because His Word promised He will." Lynn Eib. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." I am currently trying to wrap my arms around God and His Word to find healing and comfort. It is an uphill battle for me today and I am still struggling with it, but I know that He is there and wants me to find hope and healing in Him.
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Sonna, thank you for sharing the part of your story that is definately not in the "glad" catagory. I am standing with you sister, believing good will come simply because He said so. What a frustrating day with more questions than answers. love you, Connie
ReplyDeleteI am interceding for you. "Who am I that I should sin against God by not praying for you?" Love you much. Lita
ReplyDeleteSo you are standing where the street called “When You Can’t See God’s Hand” intersects with the avenue called “Then Trust God’s Heart.” (Jon Walker or Max Lucado?). We've been at this intersection before ourselves. In many ways we are there now.
ReplyDeleteIn 1980 I was critically burned, in the hospital 6 weeks and in recovery 2 years. All I remember clearly is that God saw me through. The pain was the worst, but God saw me through. 30 years later it is a dim memory and only the scars tell me I was burned. But I do know that God saw me through.
I don't like this intersection that your family and our family are facing now. But, I personally am choosing to go in the direction of trusting God. I know you want to trust God.
Lord Jesus, in your name, at this moment, relieve the pain in Sonna's body and spirit. Show her your hand today. Show her that she can stay on this trust road and that you will hold her up.
Sonna, "Love will hold us together."
We love you, Pam and Pastor Marion
LOVE THE HAIR (or lack of it) - I think you are beautiful inside and out! I am praying for you always and miss your warm smile and hugs. I hope to see you soon! You are one of God's very special gifts! Jill Ayres
ReplyDeleteSonna,
ReplyDeleteI hate that you have to go through this! It's OK to complain, it's OK to not feel good, it's OK to be angry. You're gentle spirit will come back in time. Right now you are a warrior fighting a war and it's not fun and it's not easy. THANK GOD that HE is walking beside you, even when you don't feel him there. Keep fighting my friend, you are in the midst of your testimony!
The San Ramon Pryfogle's are praying for you!
Susie :o)
Sonna I love you and I'm glad that you are sharing your feelings with us..keep the faith and God will see you through. life is tough but God blessed us with it to live and through you we are all living your experience..I love you sis..
ReplyDelete