Sep 8, 2010

How are you feeling? It's a simple enough question to ask, but not always a simple enough question to answer. How am I feeling? I don't always have an answer. I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I'm not feeling anything. There are things I know. The facts, reality. I will have to do chemo. I will loose my hair. I will have to do radiation. I will have to sit in a chair for 4-5 hours every 3 weeks for 3 months. I may get sick, I may be tired and aching much of the time. I may get depressed. And, it may happen again. Feeling? Not sure where that fits in just yet. I'm a very practical woman. I don't cry over spilled milk, so what do felings have to do with any of this? The fact of the matter is, I have cancer and I need this treatment to boost my chances of not having a recurrance, period. I know God is with me. I know He will never leave me or forsake me. I know He will walk every step of this journey right beside me. I am confident that He loves me and only wants the best for me. I believe that He works all things together for my good. So, how am I feeling? Well, I guess today I am feeling relieved that the doctor put me off work until the end of the year, so I can focus on my treatment and just have that freedom. I was feeling comfortable and confident with the oncologist, her approach, personality, professionalism. I was feeling sad at the impending loss of my hair. And, I have been also feeling responsible to cultivate an atmosphere in my home during this season that will bring unity, closeness, and togetherness. God uses different trials, crisis, and seasons in our lives to mold us and make us into who He has for us to be. My prayer is that I would take full advantage of this season not for my will, but for His will for me and my family. That our Heavenly Father would give me wisdom and the tools I need to accomplish whatever He has for me to accomplish and that He would guide me every step of the way.