Nov 16, 2010

Treatment yesterday went well. Got home and was very tired slept for a couple hours woke up had dinner and went back to bed and slept for 13 hours. Was feeling very nauseated even after all the additional meds that they gave me. By this morning however I was starting to feel better. The nausea is mild today, but not bad. Still resting and still eating. Catching up on all my magazine reading just lying in bed.

Every time I go in to get treatment I get emotional, but it wasn't until yesterday that I was able to think on it a bit and get at why that was. Well one, I hate needles so I know that affects me, but I think the real reason is that it makes this whole cancer journey very real in that moment. The needle is being inserted for a reason, and that reason is because I have cancer. When I go in to the infusion room I feel extremely healthy, in fact usually several days before I go in I am feeling healthy. Doing normal life things. Then that needle goes in and I am brought back to my new reality, an it hits me. Fortunately I have had the support of friends and family with me from beginning to end while in the infusion room and that has been fantastic, because many people are in there alone much of the time.

Yesterday we met a 30 year old woman who has stage 4 Sarcoma and her prognosis is not good. She spends much of her time there alone because her family is at home caring for her small children. We ended up talking for a while and she shared some of what was in her heart about this whole experience and it was very hard to hear. She told me she wished she could trade me the ages of our kids so that if she dies at least she would have been able to see them grow up. I am hoping to stay in touch with her. The words from my Perspective's class keep ringing in my ear, "Blessed to be a blessing." That is what I need to be yesterday, today, and tomorrow.