March 30, 2011

God has often used our hard times as a catalyst for new things in our lives. This has been a hard thing! God is still God and He is still good. He has used this at least for one new thing in my life. He has led me to start a cancer support group at my church. God has filled me with compassion for His children that are suffering through this disease and I love to lend a listening ear. Unfortunately during my journey and to present there are way too many people He has brought into my path that are either already a ways down their own personal road of cancer or are just beginning. It seems every week I hear of someone else in my circle or church wide community that has been diagnosed. My heart aches for these men and women who will travel down a path that may be filled with pain and uncertainty. I pray for them. God heal them, bless them, comfort them as You did me. I know He will. It is His nature. Things may not always go according to our plans, but they always go according to His plans.

I am out of the woods and there is a beautiful green meadow at the edge of those woods that I have been resting in over the last few weeks. My health is good, my family is great, my hubby is safe, and God is my King. My test results were negative for the BRCA1,2 genes which is very good news. I am going to take the rest of the year off of work to enjoy my family and keep things together while Daniel is away. I am excited about the cancer prayer support group and all the wonderful people that God is going to bring into my life through it. I feel like I'm at the beginning of something great and that great thing is my life!

March 9, 2011

Today I am two weeks out after completing radiation. My skin is healing, my hair is growing, and things are going pretty good. I am still having some effects from radiation. My energy level is not yet to 100%, my joints are still stiff and a little achy, and I still get tired easy, but the doctor said give it 3-4 weeks and you should be feeling better. I started the hormone therapy today and am hoping and praying for no side effects. I will be on this drug for five years, it has been shown very effective at keeping the cancer from coming back. Lastly, after doing some research and going over some family history I decided to have the test for the breast cancer gene. I will get the results back next week and am praying for a negative result. Thanks to the many of you who have kept me in your prayers over the last 6 months. God has kept me close and has kept me strong in Him.

Feb 20, 2011

With three more radiation treatments to go my skin is feeling the heat. It blistered up this weekend and is moderately painful, like a really bad sunburn. Of course I would have had to be at a topless beach for this one. Huh! Don't think so. Energy level has been pretty good the last couple of weeks, but today has been spent in rest mode. Some days the tiredness just hits me hard. I often think this is what an 80 year old must feel like. When I bend down it takes some effort to get back up. Most times when this happens, I just laugh at myself cause I just think it's funny, crickity, crackity old body.

Everything else is great. The radiation treatments have gone by so quickly I can't believe it. I usually run into these two older guys at radiation who talk up a storm. It's comical how when you are in these places with other cancer patients all privacy gets thrown out the window. They talk freely with me about their prostate cancer, treatments, and such. I'm usually the only woman in there and these guys just give me such a kick. I have found this to be true though in a few different places that I have been. People want to talk and they want to talk with other people who have some idea of what they are going through. It's therapy, just a different kind, and I enjoy listening.

Feb 3, 2011

Over half-way done with radiation and so far so good. Relatively speaking radiation doesn't even hold a candle to chemo. I have been fatigued, mostly in the evening and more so towards the end of the week, like today. My skin is holding up pretty well with some mild burning, but nothing that is really bothering me. My joints are telling me that I'm like 80 when I'm only 42. Feeling good in all ways otherwise. Oh, yeah, hot flashes. Got em now. Chemo put me into a possibly temporary menopause. Saw my oncologist today for a check up and she said this happens about 50% of the time in pre-menopausal woman. Hormone therapy is next. I will start that a week or two after radiation is complete, and that will go for five years. Feels like the end and in a way it is, in three weeks I will be done with radiation and move to just taking a couple of pills every day and checking up with the doctor every four months. My hair is slowly beginning to cover my head, it's a little fuzzy currently, and in a few months I will have to start styling it again. One kinda nice thing through all of this is that I have saved a ton of time washing, drying, and styling my hair. I can go from my bed to showered and out the door in like fifteen minutes. How many other women can say that?

Jan 15, 2011

Sometimes we don't know why things happen the way they do. My reading today talked about how we don't always know if we can label life's circumstances as good or bad because sometimes something that seems bad can actually turn out good. This is how I feel about this cancer. Yes, it is definitely bad, but is there something good in here somewhere? I don't know the answer to that yet. I can't see it and maybe I'm not meant to. Maybe it's meant for someone else.

"But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to he Lord, for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6

Jan 11, 2010

Had my first radiation appointment today. I actually didn't know I was going to get it today. I had an appointment to go in and make sure everything was lined up properly with all those precise measurements. You have to lay perfectly still for several minutes with your arms straight above your head. Extremely uncomfortable. I moved my foot slightly and we had to start over. Once the doctor looked everything over and gave the thumbs up the nurse said she was going to give me my first treatment. The treatment only took a couple minutes and then we were done. Such a short little thing for something that can do so much to your body, good and bad. No worries about getting sick anymore though which is a real relief. When I went in to put my gown on the lighting in the little changing room revealed my eyebrows coming back in; actually sticking straight out. It was a little comic relief in such a foreign place that will not be foreign when I'm done. It's so warm in the radiation room. Like a plasma screen TV, that machine gives off lots of heat. This is nice for me now cause I'm always cold, and well it's winter so every body's cold. Well one down 29 to go. I'm on my way. 

Jan 3, 2011

It has been three weeks since my last chemo and it has been a rough ride. I never want to have to do this again and pray I won't. Next week I will start radiation which although time consuming will be far better, so I'm told, than chemo. I will get my tattoos on Wednesday. Yes tattoos. If you are unfamiliar with radiation, they often put these little tiny dots in the spot where the machine will line up on your body. In my case I will have four little dots to form a square. Don't tell Joshua. We told him if he ever got a tattoo we would kick him out of the house. Radiation, every day, five days a week for six weeks. No nausea, just maybe tired after a couple weeks, and maybe some redness and burning. Not that I'm looking forward to it, but I am glad to be moving on to the next stage because that means the yuckiness of chemo is over.

Some of the normalness of life is returning. Cooking dinner again, cleaning, shopping, getting out of the house. The few weeks before Christmas I didn't even leave the house for days and I was okay with it. I say some of the normalness because it hasn't all quite returned to normal and it may not ever. It will be a different normal from now on. I am still healing physically, but my hair is starting to grow and I've got my eyelashes back. Every day is a new day and one day closer to being completely done.